Undaunted: Facing my Fears

I’m currently reading (almost done with) “Undaunted: Daring to do what God calls you to do” by Christine Caine. I would HIGHLY recommend this book. Christine Caine founded the A21 organization to end human trafficking and abolish slavery. Throughout this book Caine shares moving stories of those she has rescued as well as from her own life.

Caine shares her thoughts on overcoming fear. Fear says, “I’m willing to go–as long as…” A glimpse into those conversations with God when we still feel the need to try and control the situation. We still haven’t totally surrendered if we are bargaining for control. Wow!

I tried to put caveats of safety and assurance of a safe return on our venture to Africa. While I absolutely believe in the blood of Jesus to protect my family, I know that we are not guaranteed anything in this life. So when Caine states that:

“Courage, after all, is not the absence of fear. It’s the will to persevere even in the face of fear.”

I took a deep breath (knowing this chapter was written just for me) and kept reading…

I’ve been saying 2 Timothy 1:7 over and over in mind as I struggle to face my fears.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)

It’s definitely a challenge, but I want to be this example for my kids. I want them to know that their mom and dad were “all in” for Jesus.

Judges 6:14

Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have… I am sending you!”

I have never felt more overwhelmed and inept than when I realized God was calling us to South Africa. I had always pictured missionaries to Africa as extreme missionaries– the kind that would make Bear Grylls proud. Not me. But when God says “Go!”– you go!

It’s not everyday that I feel God speaks directly to where I am in life. However, this verse was a direct encouragement to me as I was reeling from the latest revelation of His plan for us.

If I could add my paraphrasing to this verse it would read: “Go in the strength that you have [all of it]…for I am sending you [Which means I will make up the difference/lack of].”

I’ve been reading YouVersion’s “New thru 30” reading plan as we head towards Easter and realize that this statement is made by Jesus constantly. When feeding the multitude he asks “What do you have?” (i.e. From where are we starting?). Then, “Go!” (And I will make up the difference.)

The challenge, for me, was to step out regardless of how inept and unprepared I felt, and know that by faith God will make up the difference.

Who But God

“We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.” Romans 8:28 AMP

Who but God would’ve known that I needed a woman named Peggy Gannon in my life 12 years ago that would open up and share an experience that required her to sell everything and move to Russia. To this day, I remember her telling with great emotion that she knew the call of God was greater than any possession. That didn’t make getting rid of everything easy– she wept over pouring out a jar of corn kernels that represented the blessings her family was thankful for (a Thanksgiving tradition at her house).

I replayed this encounter over and over in mind when my husband told me it was time to move– to Africa. With the exception of a few mementos and heirlooms we were able to store in our parents attic, I knew this was my “sell all” moment. I wish I could say that I handled it with the same amount of grace as Peggy, but I don’t think I did. I wept as I watched my son’s toys being given away and as we dismantled the nursery to bless another family with our crib (the crib that both my babies slept in). I cried as we put the for sale sign in our yard (the yard my son helped his daddy “mow”). I cried when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl eight weeks before we were to move– knowing her grandparents would not get to see her grow the way they had with my son. I cried buckets as we prepared to bid our families goodbye. I smiled outwardly as people would comment “How exciting! What an adventure! You must be so excited”; while inwardly I was shouting “Than you go!”

Not to be misunderstood, I knew this was the right move and it came down to a matter of obedience. I had accepted that part, but was really struggling with doing it “wholeheartedly” “with a joyful heart”–in essence, I felt guilty for not wanting to want to move…crazy, right?

But God is so gracious– I found great encouragement in the story of Hagar (of all places). In a moment of great distress an angel from The Lord comes and comforts her. She then calls God by a new name that means “You are the God that sees me.”

“So she called the name of the Lord Who spoke to her, You are a God of seeing, for she said, Have I [not] even here [in the wilderness] looked upon Him Who sees me [and lived]? Or have I here also seen [the future purposes or designs of] Him Who sees me?” Genesis 16:13 AMP

The God that sees me– at my best, at my worst, at my strongest, and at my weakest– He sees (and knows!) me. Right here where I am– and still wants to use me for His purpose. Love Him!